Friday, September 5, 2008

i dont hate kids, but...

okay--i am late on this post...over a week late, but i still wanted to mention it.

over at vegans of color there is a post about young folks and intersectionality...the post itself (based off of joshivore's post...the link is below) is cool, but some of the comments blow my mind...

what amazes me is how many people just plan and envision their entire lives as being child-free. i had a friend who said that she wasnt really used to being around babies so i couldnt blame her if she was horrible at it. she just didnt have any friends who had kids. well actually what that means is that she chose to swim in circles that are childfree. and parentfree. and that is a pretty exclusive circle.

and as the comments at this blog make clear: that is a choice. people really do assume that their workplaces and their social places will not include young ones. not only do they assume it, but they also demand it. and lets name exclusivity as exclusivity and not just a nonpolitical personal the difference between paper or plastic (which is also a political choice...but wev)

at joshivore's original post, there are plenty of folks who say things like: i dont have to like your kids.
'Although a lot of people *say* they "hate kids", I realise what they usually actually *mean* is that they dislike being in their company."

which is such a problematic construction: 1. no, you dont have to like my kid but you do have to treat her with respect. 2. you have no right to discriminate against her based on her age alone 3. i dont 'own' her in the sense that she is not a piece of property. she is a person. and 4. well actually you do have to like my kid. she is awesome. and she is not going to apologize for being alive. if she is not acting in a way that pleases you then probably she does not like you. and she does not have to like you. cause she doesnt like assholes. (hell, there are plenty of times when she does not like me. obviously. you should have seen her yell today when i wouldnt let her play with the cell phone. and just as i was about to cringe, i realized that the guys outside of our window were even louder than she was and they were talking about nothing that i could decipher as important--- so some people are loud...oh well...)

kids are not a 'product of their upbringing'. they are not a product. they are human beings. and it is horrible that we are still characterizing human beings as products. my experience in this black female perception makes me very wary of the ways that we articulate people as products.

i get your point but we all have our own reasons for not being into breeding.

did i mention how racist the word: breeding is? god, i hate that word coming from the wrong mouth...calling a woman a breeder is disgusting...yeah, i know sexism sucks and it sucks to have people ask you why you arent a mother, but when you actually look at the socioeconomic statistics for childfree women vs mothers, there is no mistaking that childfree women are socially and economically sucks.

the number one indicator of women sliding into poverty is motherhood.

im not sure what i am trying to say in this post...i guess something about how hating kids (or not hating kids) is really about creating this little exclusive club that says: no mothers allowed. and by creating those little clubs you are perpetuating the system of oppression that alot of radical folks claim to be opposing and deconstructing. and part of creating radical communities is working and living with people that your privilege promised you wouldnt have to deal with. like blacks, or women, or queers, or disabled, or kids, or mothers.
and so ppl need to either deconstruct their privilege and get over it and start learning how to like kids and all kinds of folks that you arent 'used to' because that is the world we live in. or you can crawl into a gated community where you only see kids when the brown and black nannies are taking them out for a walk in the afternoon.

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